


Welcome to Adulthood, Dave

by vamprav



Series: Hair like Moirallegiance, Eyes like Matesprits [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Hemospectrum, Pale bloods, Podfic Welcome, Running Away, Trollstuck, mentions of eggpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-01
Updated: 2017-02-01
Packaged: 2018-09-21 08:59:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,416
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9540692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vamprav/pseuds/vamprav
Summary: Dave was having enough problems with being a troll as it was. But now it turns out that his body wants to pop out babies... eggs... whatever.Welcome to Adulthood, Dave.





	

Fuck the game.

Fuck troll biology.

Fuck your life.

You are currently soaked to the bone in seawater and sitting on a pile of blankets while the others try to figure out this whole pale blood shit that’s happened to you and Karkat. You are so done and if anyone besides Karkat - or Eridan - tries to touch you you are going to fly off the handle so hard you will achieve your own orbit around this shitty ass planet that the Game decided to give you.

You have put up with the alien penis, which is kind of awesome but incredibly disconcerting when you have no idea how to jack off with something that moves.

You have put up with the alien vagina, which is less awesome and feels weird and wrong and you would like to forget what had happened the last time you had tried the masturbation experiment thank you very much.

You put up with having horns shorter than Karkat’s, you hadn’t even know that was possible.

You put up with having black hair.

You put up with the claws, the fangs, the heightened aggression and sense of smell.

You put up with the way Dirk looks at you sometimes when you’re interacting with the trolls.

You have put up with all of these things and more as your new biology tries to pinch you in as many sensitive places as it can. And you haven’t talked to anyone about it.

The trolls wouldn’t understand. John was having a lot of fun with his new junk, a  _ lot _ of fun. Jake saw it as one giant adventure in the making. The girls were all a bit smug about their new wriggly additions, you had walked in on them talking about it and walked out with permanent mental scarring. Dirk…

Well, you didn’t think you could talk to Dirk. For one he was having a hard time adjusting to being around people and their were those looks he kept shooting you. It kind of made you want to cry.

But, Striders didn’t cry gog damn it.

Or, at least, not over things like biology.

Fuck your new biology.

You think you’ve handled it all with real fucking aplomb and then  _ This _ happens.

You could deal, or at least put up with, everything else.

What you can’t deal with is the fact that your body just up and decided that it wanted to be an alien baby-making machine, like you were in some poorly scripted hentai film. And to think, you would have laughed at that concept two weeks ago.

Your life has turned into a poorly written mpreg fic.

Greeeeeeeat.

You haven’t had an orgasm since the Game ended and now your biology wants you to shit out babies or eggs or whatever and you were a troll and alway angry or sad or some combination of the two and you wants Bro so bad it hurts and Dirk didn’t count. It only stopped hurting when Eridan was close and Karkat is in the other pile with Gamzee and Tavros and Eridan was still  _ molting _ . And everything is hurting more than usual as your mind screams in panic and horror and despair.

“We think that we have figured some of this out.” Rose began and you turn to look at her. “By now it’s safe to say that there is something that Dave and Karkat had in common before they molted. I am going to assume that that similarity is blood since troll physiology tends to rely heavily on blood and the color there of. Since the humans in our group have discovered that our blood has altered to fit our former eye color and Roxy and I now have all the characteristics of being sea dwellers it can be concluded that since Dave had red eyes before the end of the Game this caused him to become a pale blood.”

“Since they both had red blood before now it can be concluded that what we thought was a mutation is in fact a natural process meant to cloak a pale blood for their own protection.” Kanaya said.

“Trolls have hemoglobin but you produce an organic dye that masks the color. The dye in a pale blood’s blood is probably meant to mimic that of a rust blood but since their blood is naturally white it doesn’t quite work.”

You freeze time and take a deep breathe.

If you were secreting red dye in white blood why wasn’t your blood pink. Actually, thank gog that it wasn’t. You would have never lived it down. Then again, you’ll probably never live this down either.

Maybe it would be better if you just left…

Hey, that’s actually a good idea.

You could just leave and then they’d only have to worry about one pale blood and one set of whatever you’re supposed to push out of your new junk and you could go hide under a rock somewhere and wall- you mean process. Yes, process, you were absolutely going to say process, totally.

You can come back later, when the trauma has faded slightly. Or, when one of them drags you back by the hair.

At least your hair is white again. But this is not the price you would have wished to pay. Or would have been willing to pay if you’d been given any option.

You stand and drip your way out of the Great House. You unfreeze time but keep it slowed down to an almost crawl so that the others wouldn’t notice your absence. The world isn’t meant to stay frozen for extended periods of time and it makes your head hurt if you try.

You stop by your house first and grab your pile. It’s made up of fluffy blankets and pillows and awesome. It is the only good thing about this situation, partially because piles are amazing now that you’re a troll and partly because, deep in the depths of your pile is one lone smuppet wrapped in the tattered remains of the shirt Bro died in.

You are aware that this is creepy, you just don’t have enough energy to give a fuck. Your give a fuck is so broken that some of the pieces are missing and were lost in paradox space somewhere between here and your bro’s corpse.

Then, you grab your sword and head off to the warehouse. You’re not going to take much but you need food if this is going to work and you’d lie to spend the next few days running for the hills before setting up a camp. You could forage along the way but there wouldn’t be enough time to skin something even if you managed to hunt anything with success.

And that’s even if you don’t run into Equius or Nepeta.

Oh, gog, what if you run into Equius or Nepeta. Equius would drag you back even if you weren’t a pale blood and Nepeta would look at you with the sad kitten eyes and it would end badly for all involved. Best go in the opposite direction of the hunting grounds then.

You fill a pack with food. You look around to find anything else you need. There is a hunting knife lying on the counter.

Yeah, there is no way you’ll be able to skin anything with your sword.

You take the knife.

You walk to the top of one of the hills that loom over the village and look back down at the houses that all of you built together. You wonder if they’ll miss you, you know that Karkat and Eridan will but what about the others.

You and your friends had drifted apart since the end of the Game. It wasn’t all that noticeable at first but after a while it had become obvious. While the village was being built you’d spent more time cutting wood with Gamzee, Eridan, and Karkat then you had spent with the former humans in your group.

Then again you’d started drifting apart before that, the meteor and John being stuck with Jade being stuck with the sprite version of you did you no favors in their eyes. Rose hadn’t really hung out with you on the meteor either. And your ecto parents…

Well, you’d never really gotten a chance to get to know them to begin with.

With a sigh you turn and walk over the hill. Time unfreezes behind you and you abscond the fuck out of there.


End file.
